Runner escapes torturous job to run free

Bethany Swaddle used to be trapped in the horror that is known as the “Nine to Five”, but she bravely escaped and is now setting records running around the countryside.

“I was staring at a stream of graphs and charts, watching a run on the Uzbekistan groat about to unfold when I pressed my mouse with a nonchalant click to buy up an excess of potassium. It stabilised the currency, saving their economy in a heartbeat but I was like “meh”. I realised with was not fitting to my education in classic baroque interior design and I was only doing this job to please daddy who I think secretly wished I was a boy.”

“I walked out, donated my pinstripe power suits to a homeless charity, cashed in £800k of stock options and decided to go jogging around the world. I was free!”

“There is something a bit more human about not working in banking and running around the world instead. People are so friendly. I’ve been raised in an environment where you’d hide someones medication to make them look like an idiot in a pitch so that you could claim their portfolio. One day in the Cotswolds I made the mistake of not putting my £50 notes in a bag and they all disintegrated with the humidity. A lovely little old lady who ran a cafe gave me a free cup of tea! That was so nice of her. I didn’t tell her that my insider derivative trading is what is stopping her Grandchildren getting onto the property ladder!”

But could anyone leave everything behind and just go?

“People say they could never do this because of the cost, but it really can be done on the most modest of portfolios. You can hire an RV for less than the price of a bottle of Prosecco a day and most of us have at least two friends who would follow you around for a year if you just fed them.”

Josh Walker, a bricklayer from Hartlepool tried a similar escape this year, with much less success.

“Yeah I told my boss to shove yer job I’m off to run to France, got as far as Stockton-on-Tees before I ran out of cash and had to do shifts in Starbucks. It’s OK really, I can run about 4 hours a day if I work for .. scuse me a minute, DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN!”